Life Observations: Doctors


There’s something I noticed. Doctors offices are not fun. When you enter them, sometimes unexpected
and terrifying things happen. One time I cut my finger. The doctor then numbed it by stabbing the
webs of my fingers with a needle. It was traumatizing. Another time when I was getting an xray, a
medical staff member came in, took a peek at my junk and then left. It’s a very vulnerable feeling. When you’re sitting in your doctor’s office,
they could say anything from “just try to get some rest” to “mmm… yes, we need to
remove all of your limbs”. I went to the doctor’s office for stomach
problems. My appointment was at 9AM, and it was already
9:30AM. (pan out to show clock). When they finally call your name it feels
like you won a contest. Mr. Walker? Yeah! Suckers! The excitement is short-lived, because often the majority of the waiting is in the exam room. Someone will be right with you. *light piano music* Then someone from the medical staff knocks
on the door.. as if it’s MY waiting room. Welcome. Please, make yourself at home. Hors d’oeurve? First it’s just the nurse. I always nail her prep questions. Do you have any allergies? Nope. Family history of disease? Nope. Until the end. Do you drink? Uhhhh…. Occasionally, you know I’ll have two.. …or eight beers. Even as an adult I feel like I’m in trouble. Now you know you shouldn’t. I know. Finally the doctor graces me with her presence. Stomach problems, huh? We’re going to start today with a quick examination
of your prostate. No. I would have preferred needles in my finger. To make matters worse, the doctor was a younger
woman. When she first walked in, I subconsciously
puffed my chest. But now it was no use. You can have muscles, look lean and cut, but it’s hard to look tough with a finger in your butt. I didn’t want to do it. But what could I do? Years of medical research dictate that I perform
this test. Oh. Um.. no thank you. Not to mention the cost. I was getting healthcare in the U.S. so I
would be taking it in the ass either way. *Ba-dum Cshhhh* Ok now I want you to go ahead and put your
elbows on the table. My heart sank. It was really happening. Oh my god. This is the first time something has gone
in my butt. Should I have done something back there? I wasn’t really expecting company. Maybe I should mention it’s my first time? How old am I, I’d say it’s been a good run. It’s kind of a milestone. What’s the date today? I should remember this. Ok, here we go. Mr. Anderson? Yes! And your copay comes to $650.

100 thoughts on “Life Observations: Doctors”

  1. I always remember wrong the ending song and think it as a version of "she likes rock n roll" from ac/dc instead of this… the words fit too!

  2. I was in School and my friend couldn't figure out why I was laughing so hard I tried to tell them " it's hard to look tough with a a finger in your butt"

  3. This reminds me of the episode of family guy when Peter thinks he was sexually assaulted by the doctor because he had a prostate exam

  4. When i was 14 i was diagnosed with varicocele (Google.it) so they had to ultra sound my balls. They picked a gay guy to do it. I saw him have an erection. I hate my life now.

  5. I went to the hospital in an ambulance once because I had very painful stomach cramps where I couldn't move and it was getting hard to breath.
    When I got to the hospital they immediately pumped pain medicine in me and I was so relieved. They told me it was probably a severe Form of gastritis because… I drank too much pure tequila for 3 days straight. That was humiliating. I was 19 then.
    But then in came a hospital staff member. A young man, maybe 21 years old. Obviously not in the mood to finger my butt he said "Yeah… I have to put my fingers up your butt to test you for cancer. You got a problem with that?" Being high on pain medicine and relieved from my pain I didn't quite understand I could just say no. In a matter of 1 second I already said "Yeah no problem".

    Damn, he jammed them right up in there… Now I'm studying to be a male nurse (I'm 20). Am I gay?

  6. Healthcare in the U.S. jokes….original. My mom had Leukemia and she had to pay 10 bucks a month for years of treatment. Doesnt sound that bad to me…I went to the doctor for a stomach ulcer and it was 119.00…..not bad. What is everyones deal?
    Why does everyone have a problem with paying for someone that spent over a decade of their own life in school to make sure youre healthy? What do you expect? A fucking dollar menu?
    Healthcare is really not that expensive. If you have a major issue it might be but think of all the equipment, staff, building and upkeep it costs to keep a hospital running. Like i said, my mom was medium low income and had no insurance or benefits….found out she had cancer and the government picked up the tab. They wont pick up a 500 tab, but when you need it they help.

    Oh sorry…i know this reality check isnt funny or cool because im not over exagerating problems and making it sound like the u.s. is full of stupid people and is the worst place to live.

  7. My doctor is really cool though.
    Got an X-ray of my spine and she giggled "Whoah. That's not good."
    Then my doctor looked and said "well, I'm not sure how you're walking; but it's kinda silly looking in the X-ray. Check this out!"

  8. By the way; at least in USA you can get in to actually see a doctor before you're dead.
    A good friend of mine thought he had cancer鈥ut the nearest time to see a doctor was SEVEN MONTHS AWAY. He died 3 months in waiting. All because some people don't wanna pay for their own stuff

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