How To Get Over Rejection


Being dropped.
It will happen to us all, at some point. So negotiating the pain with a measure of reason belongs to the art of living. A number of tips suggest themselves. Firstly… don’t attempt to minimize what’s happened. Being ‘brave’ has no place here. Allow your sadness so much room, so much time, so many melancholic songs, hot baths and indulgent meals you eventually bore yourself back into an appetite for life. Secondly… believe them when they said it. Don’t imagine that their past sweetness and kind words provides any covert indications of future commitment. Kill any remaining hope yourself, if they didn’t quite have the courage to do so themselves. Don’t imagine that anyone can love on command. The capacity to feel attracted lies outside the will. It isn’t a question of them not trying hard enough. Remove morality from it: they were not being ‘bad’ for not loving, and nor were you ‘good’ for wanting them. You were both on search for pleasure that took you down different and conflicting routes. Our conscious minds ride like tiny boats on the swells of unconscious psychoanalytic and biological seas. So don’t turn this into a morality tale. They acted weirdly around the break up not because they were bad or – indeed – unsure. They just felt terribly guilty… because they’re nice. Which doesn’t, though, mean that they want you. Many of us are predisposed to think especially well of people who don’t want us. It feeds into our reserves of self-hatred. But this isn’t romanticism, it’s an illness. The true challenge is to stop being so revolted by people who do in fact want us and so admiring of those who don’t. Think back to when you rejected people: you didn’t hate them or regret them. The chief emotions were embarrassment and pity. Don’t connect up the rejection with everything you fear and hate about being you. Don’t accuse them of cowardice. Don’t exaggerate their qualities. Don’t insist on their uniqueness. Don’t offer them sex in the hope of changing their mind. Don’t imagine that people can fall back in love with someone out of pity or of guilt. And don’t defensively maintain that they had a ‘fear of intimacy’. Just try to laugh. And have a few rounds of casual sex, if that helps. But above all, don’t keep thinking of the end of this relationship as tragically sad. The only good relationship, the only relationship worth mourning, would be one to which two people desperately wanted to belong. And this wasn’t – in the end – despite all the promising signs – that kind of relationship… at all.

100 thoughts on “How To Get Over Rejection”

  1. Tell your crush your feelings
    Because you have NOTHING to lose but something that you may win and even if they reject you
    That doesn't mean they don't want to be friends with you so just get motivated by yourself and do what you have to do!

  2. Thumbed down for "have a few rounds of casual sex" like it's that easy. Totally. Disconnected. From. Reality. Written by some Vice journalist-esque tosser. Done.

  3. This is What I do I Hope this Method Works for You to when A Girls Dislikes Me and Rejects Me Sometimes I Cut them Off because it Makes me Feel Good in the Inside For me to Hate Girls not Be Friends with Them and not Give A Fuck about Girls who Dislike Me and Reject Me

  4. Starting to love yourself by trying to talk to yourself as a friend was I think ultimately the most powerful thing I tried to do not only for overcoming a non-requited love situation but to appropriate my life and not to ask outside the love I couldn't give from myself to myself

  5. The worst part of my rejection was that I knew he liked my best friend and my best friend liked him too. The next day, they became a couple. And I didn't like him, I loved him, 'cause it hurt. And he rejected me while I had a panic attack because of this situation. And I see him almost everyday because we're in the same school. And I'm crying

  6. Rejection?? More like betrayal but who cares. You put a bad aid, work out, pray, and get to work. And enjoy the collateral beauty

  7. Had sex with a friend last week, which has made me feel attached to her but she doesn't want a relationship. She insisted me act like normal like nothing happened. Can't tell this to any of my friend as I promised her to keep this between us but I need to get this out of my chest so here I am telling this to random people on the internet.

  8. Okay so I just confessed to my crush she’s a female like me, and turns out she likes my other “friend”, I mean I can’t do anything
    other then cry.
    :[

  9. i just got rejected yesterday i suppose to feel bad then why don't i feel anything i just feel emptiness why don't i feel anything am i broken?

  10. Should of known that no one would ever would want me ever I’m fat and ugly and “more of a friend” I dont ever want to speak to them again I can’t do that tho as there my best friend so let’s pray I don’t ever catch feelings ever 💔😢😢

  11. I’m so sad man. Her name’s Lucy Taylor, I really care about her, but I can’t blame her, I mean I’m fat and small so I can’t just blame her I have to blame myself too, I want to see this is a few years when I become more confident.

  12. It’s like tolerance the more it’s fought the stronger it gets 3rd rejection in a row she wasn’t like the 2 others because she was different she wasn’t ready for a relationship and I guess that’s ok but I’m tired tired of the sleepless nights , the lonely days and the pitiful social life that I have hopefully it will be better but I really thought she was the one the one I could be happy with.

  13. The more it happens to me the less human I feel I feel like I should cry but I’m not I feel like I was stabbed on the inside but I’m ok I just thought it was her she was the one

  14. Love is like quicksand and a drug addiction the longer you stay and the farther you go the harder it will be to get rid off

  15. I didn’t get rejected my I like my bff but she doesn’t like me back she doesn’t know I like her and I have a friend that is technically me but he is just slightly cooler or something and we had a concert today so I didn’t get to see her and my friend was talking to her instead so I sent a message saying but u sat next to him so isnt that good enough and she said yeah and I said that he is slightly funnier and cool and she said YEAH and that really hurts because she doesn’t talk to him that much and doesn’t trust him that much and she is my bff and now I feel left out :(Ik you guys don’t care but I just wanna let it out

  16. If you're not a Good Looking Person you have an 90% Chance to Be Rejected. If you still believe about "Beauty and the Beast " love story. that you hope someday Someone will love you.. Well I Say to you.. "you are a Living childish Moron..! " be Mature and Accept the "Reality" of this world don't believe in Fairy Tale. " Tale is a Tale". Invest something. Example in Work, School or Family. Me i invest in Computer Games It Helps me to Forget love. There are many kinds of love.. But love to a Someone is very Hard to get it. Specially if you are not a Good looking person. I am not a Totally good looking person. Thats why I choose the Computer. Every time I play Some War Games and hangout on online mode I found happiness. Every Player I killed is a Delightful to me. Just Accept the Reality. And soon you can move on.

  17. Make sure you pick a wife that NEEDS you. Now days women pick a man that amuses them, if you stop entertaining , then they don't want you anymore. best to pick a humble woman than will appreciate you and not take you for granted.

  18. Don’t imagine the past sweetness…

    I can’t I’m her second best friend, she just started liking another guy only 2 months before I started to like her! I’m hoping she comes back around full circle. Like if you are in the same-ish situation as me.

  19. Damn so it is my last day of school today. I ask the girl I like on a date. She asks for some time to think about her answer so I give her some time. She then later says yes. Then about 3 and a half hours later me and my grade are all at a restaurant for a party. Then I ask her about what we should do for a first date. She then hit me with a “my mom won’t let me date you”. I get kind of depressed and then think we could try again later. I then get a text from her apologizing about the situation. I say it’s fine and it is not your fault. Then about 10 minutes later I get another text from her. She laid out the whole story about how she only said yes to make me feel nice. Oh and another thing before I continue everyone in my grade, and quite a few more people, heard about the how I asked her out and she said yes. They probably still think we are still a thing. And now back to the story. I am just stuck sitting there with no way to comprehend what just happened. I just had the best day of my life today only to get my heart ripped out 5 hours later. And now I am just here. Not knowing how to deal or even just comprehend what just happened. Just me, depressed, lied to, rejected. My friend was right all along. God, my head is gonna be fucked for the next few days.

  20. So there is that girl, that i madly fall in love with. She was the only one, that brought me some happiness. We have met in collage and after some time i just realized that i love her. So i invited her to talk and get some drink and it was one of the happiest moments of my life. Then we started to text eachother really often. My heart literally stopped for a second every time i saw she texted me. Yesterday we went for a walk and i was going to tell her about my feelings. She turned out to be a lesbian. I've never felt more heartbroken before and i guess i was never in true love like this before

  21. I never had a girlfriend as a teenager, rejection was my middle name.
    Middleschool dance, forget it, highschool prom, never went because
    I dropped out due to always being alone and not having any friends.
    It made it impossible to study, i was always dealing with something
    due to being raised by grandparents. As I hit my 20's i thought my luck
    would change, yeah right! But, I was A Kiss fan, a fan since 1977.
    But, even girl kiss fans also rejected me. I just couldn't win, it's not like
    I asked every girl out, just someone I met, or knew over time, but the
    answer was always the same. 'NO" No, not interested, or, get outta here
    are you kidding me, you! Or, my favorite, yeah, that's not going to happen!
    Yeah, I heard that one a lot. Anyway, after going to Miami to see the band
    in 96, and, of course, having been rejected by someone my cousin wanted
    to hook me up with, on my way home on Amtrack I thought, yeah it ain't
    gonna happen ever. I thought, for the first time ever, Time to go!! Time to split!
    I was tired of being lonely, suicide looked good at that point. I thought about
    having my last meal on the train, then later on just jumping off and ending it all.
    But, in the early afternoon, the conductor led this girl who had just got on the train
    into my coach, he sat her next to me on purpose and said, here, sit here and keep
    him company, as a joke. The conductor was a nice, older southern african american
    guy with a gray beard. To this day, i still feel it was a miracle, because she became
    my first girlfriend, at 26 years old. 2 years later we got married in Europe, and I moved
    here after a few months to start our life together. I still suffer from things that happened
    in the past due to all the rejection. I got a shrink I see once every 2 months.
    I always tell my daughter, who just turned 16 to be sure if she is gonna say no
    to a guy to be sweet about it. I have good days and bad days, my medicine helps
    me cope and my wife is the best wife a guy could ask for. I'm a bit damaged, but
    at least i'm still here. Others aren't so lucky. Ladies, if you don't like him, say no
    but be sweet about it. I really believe the conductor was an Angel in disguise.
    To others suffering from rejection, please stay strong, someone special WILL
    show up. I really believe that now:0)

  22. Just got rejected today at school. He said he was interested in someone else . I cried. A lot. He kept on buying otter pops for girls to make me jealous. I am heart broken. I'm only 12 years old. One like= 1 I'm sorry

  23. So theres this girl I work with that im absolutely crazy about.We mostly engage in small talk here and there and smile at eachother as we pass.However i have so many insecurities that i never made a move.
    That is until i heard she was being transferred.I only had one day to decide that i needed to act.

    …And Lets just say it didnt go as planned..She was really nice about it but i know I made her feel real awkward.Infact I felt like she pittied me and that hurts even more.
    But thats not even the worst part.Want to know fucked up i am?
    I am honestly more afraid she’d say yes.
    My social anxiety is ruining my life.Its preventing me from living at all.
    My only happy thoughts are of me imagining a fake life i know will never happen.
    I dont know why i even bother.I wouldnt want to spend my time with someone like me either.

  24. sigh. girl told me she likes me, i tell her i like her back. she calls me the next day to tell me that she was looking for a rebound and wasn’t looking for an actual relationship, that she messed up. i don’t blame her a bit and she’s still my good friend, i just wish i didn’t stake so much of my own hope on it working out.

  25. Had a friend for three years that I fell in love with. She was so sweet and kind and beautiful.
    I asked her out a week ago and she replied with ‘Yeah sure but busy now’. Best day of my life.
    Week at school goes by.
    That whole week she just ignored me and pretended she didn’t know me.
    Blocks me on all social media platforms.
    Now out of respect I don’t ask her why.
    Friendship and possible partner lost.
    Heavy sickness in gut every class.
    Friends think we are going to date.
    Now they embarrass me around her because they think she likes me back too because she said yes.
    What am I going to do?

  26. I just got rejected by a girl that i have loved for 5 years. I just want to be alone and do nothing but cry and sleep. I think over and over again what would i have done better to get her love me. I just want to die.

  27. Well another video where immoral behavior is raised to the skies. If there where real promises given those should be kept, because that what grown ups do. As a start you should not give those promises in the first place if you do not intend to keep them. We that where left after a long relationship with commitments did also loose attraction during the relationship. We did also fall in love with others. But we then remembered our promise and worked with ourselves to find back to being attracted to our spouse. But when the opposite happened they just left. "It's your own fault that you trusted me."

  28. Hey guys, I just made a video about how I feel about rejection. It’s my 3rd video and I only have 2 subscribers. If you give it a watch i’d appreciate it. Or you can reject me 😆

  29. Tips to get over rejection

    Option 1: Keep trying to get him/her (It’s not a good one but it could work)
    1 Stay friends
    2 Flirt just a little
    3 ask her questions about them
    4 try again after 4 months

    Option 2 move on
    1 Enjoy the rest of your life, remember you spent the moment since you started crushing on someone living your on life you just had a little bonus having a crush but now that bonus is gone and you could enjoy the rest
    2 take a break from crushing on anyone and enjoy your life
    3 find another Girl or boy, trust me you’ll get sick of that Dog or bitch that rejected you and you’ll find another girl or boy to replace them, ha that’d teach them for rejecting you

  30. It has been 11 years. 11 years of being rejected by every girl that I try to make a move on. I've heard every excuse. Just friends. I deserve better. I'll find someone. There's someone else for them.
    I've tried so hard to keep busy, to improve myself, respect myself and love myself first but it's hard when everyone else around me pairs off while it's never happened to me.
    I've never rejected anyone.
    I try to improve all the other aspects of my life but I'm slowly getting to the age where the most important relationship in a man's life is his S/O. I feel like it's hard to get invited to couples events when you're the only one that's alone.
    I feel cheated because as a teenager, when I had my first heartbreaking rejection, my parents told me that I would find someone. That was so long ago. I still haven't found anyone.
    My therapist doesn't understand. She's never been in my shoes. She makes a lot of incorrect assumptions about me. I don't know how to fix this. I've been trying for a really long time, but it hasn't helped.

  31. Pano ba mapagod ang pusong umiibig ng sukdulan? Pano ba pipigilan ang wagas at dalisay na pag ibig subalit maraming komokontra?

    My favorite song.. para sa crush ko na nilaspag ng iba, para sa crush ko na pumatol at nilawayan ng iba huhuhu.. sobrang ramdam ko ang bawat titik ng kanta.. yung khit anong gawin mo, d cya mabura sa isip at lagi mong iniiyakan huhuhu

    Hirap mgmov on lalo na kung sobrang inlove ka sa crush na hot, mbango, masarap, matamis, makwento at katakamtakam.. kaya lng nagpatikim sa iba

    Sarap sumpain nung jowa ng crush ko. Alam mo yung ipakulam cya para kamtin mo hustisya sa bawat luha na ibinuhos mo oras oras, minu minuto Huhuhu

  32. I loved someone for 10 years
    We knew each other since we were kids… I don’t know why, but I thought he somehow liked me back. I stuck with that feeling until I confessed. He said he didn’t like me back after all this time. Still deep down in his heart he still knows my birthday, my favorite song, that pepperoni is my favorite pizza, and even that the number 2 is my lucky number. He knows how to cheer me up, lift up my spirits, and make me feel complete. Still… he rejected me. You know so much… every little detail about me… and we knew each other since we were kids…
    so why…
    WHY….
    …do you only consider me as a friend?

  33. I tried to be friends with this guy I was into (he knew about) but totally ignored my existence. My self esteem dropped after he would ignore my texts for hours while being active online. He doesn’t even realize how much he is affecting me…

  34. REJECTION IS TRULY PAINFUL. I HAD TONS OF THEM. BUT I ALWAYS REMIND MYSELF “ YOU CAN NEVER LOSE SOMETHING YOU NEVER HAD “ & “ ANY KIND OF HAPPINESS IS WAY BETTER THAN LONG FOR SOMEONE YOU CAN NEVAR HAVE “.

  35. The year he spent telling me he wanted to be together but wasn't acting like it (after 15 happy years) was tragically sad. Thankfully he finally realized he was no longer interested and told me, now I can move on (with some help from this video). Thank you.

  36. Yeah i asked my crush out she literally said

    ”no you could change a bit and lose a lot of weight.”

    I still think about that till this day

  37. My best friend Yalitza had a crush on me months ago. At the time I was dating my ex Payge. Yalitza once told me that she was the type to always be confessed to and hadn’t really found anyone they liked enough to confess to. Thus I assumed I’d never have a chance. Before dating Payge I was with a girl named Sam. Payge also liked me while I dated Sam. She waited and waited until we broke up and months after the break up, we went out. Payge gave me the taste of my own medicine. She would make me wait all the time. For replies, for messages, for phone calls, just like I made her wait. During this time, Yalitza had developed a crush on me. I was so caught up in this short relationship with Payge that I forgot to even mention to Yalitza that I was dating Payge. Yalitza was heartbroken and moved on, but continued to be my best friend and my comfort. Because of her I could move on from how Payge and I hurt each other. As we grew closer as friends, I started having feelings for Yalitza, not knowing until today that she had liked me many months ago. Today I told her how I felt, and for the first time ever in my dating life; I was rejected. She didn’t wait. She knew her worth, but I didn’t realize it soon enough. I thought I didn’t have a fat chance with her and now I pay for making people wait. No one should have to wait to be loved. I’m so glad she didn’t wait for me to be ready, or for me to like her back. Because she deserves more than someone who makes her wait. I’m not gonna wait until I’m over her. I’m gonna stop this right now and realize that this happens and feelings aren’t something to be taken so lightly. I wish I could hug her and tell her I’m sorry over and over and over again. Because if my heartbreak of rejection feels, in the slightest, as bad as hers did when I chose Payge over her, then I want to do everything in my power to make sure she never feels that way again. Even if the only way I can do that is by being her best friend and help her with anything she needs.

  38. "Have a few rounds of casual sex." PFF! This is the most bourgeois European gobbledygook ever. See, as nice as that might he, some people live in the real world.

  39. i dont get it i got regected and i regeted someone and i was still friends and we laughed but when she regected me she ingnored me

  40. I made all of the mistakes mentioned above.. Ouch.. How immature my behaviour was.. He is probably feeling really sorry for me and annoyed… I feel like running away from myself

  41. I just admitted my to my crush I'd love her ever since and Rejected me with a long letter
    i got rejected in a way that she was insecure and stunned at me

  42. liked him and i taught he liked me we were out for a date and i asked him if he wants to go out with and he said no i like you as a friend we can always hang out 😔😔 heartbroken and + he's from another country so it was an international embarassement 😭

  43. And if they say they think they still love you, just the relationship wasn't working. And when you occasionally meet, they say how good you look, how great you are, how you excite sexually , that they think of you very often and can't see other people.. But they still don't want to be with you.. What then?

    Maybe a little history is needed.. While we were together for many years, he periodically left me, saying that I'm not good enough for serious relationship and he was tired. Then, when we started living together, when he left me, starting to look for an apartment of his own and all, he usually didn't speak to me for a week or two, I was crying all this time, devastated. Couldn't exist actually. Just lay in bed crying. After some time we decided to live separately but somehow we were still together, only.. when I asked if he really wants me, he said no.. Two years ago there was again a week of happiness and he said he thinks he still loves me. I asked again, wanna be together? He said no. Then after a couple of days we had a big argument. And that's when I stopped. I replied just one/two words to his messages and I didn't write him myself at all.. Then, we had to meet, I helped him out with some stuff, then he helped me with some stuff. Each time was different. Sometimes I came home crying, thinking that I still love him and this is so painful.. He invited me to see his new home, I said no, that that wouldn't be good for us because we are trying to be just friends. Sometimes we talk about good moments and that we are sad we aren't together. ..It's a mess.

    For 6 years I couldn't think of anything but this relationship. When he dumped me I was devastated, then great when we were getting back together and then I would do something stupid and he would dump me again (I felt sometimes some kind of aggression towards him when he was the sweetest towards me.. ). Now after two years of "separation" induced actually by me I'm still not free.. Although, I feel that the tie gets weaker. Few weeks ago I went to the cinema with a guy and I didn't feel guilty, like I'm cheating (it wasn't anything romantic, I don't think he likes me, he fled home immediately after the film and didn't speak to me since then..) My ex says he also feels guilty even thinking about going out with someone.I will see him this week, he asked me to go with him to one place to help out.. For 8 years now there's a question in my head (last few years I can actually think of something else but it) Should we try? Should we be together? Maybe it's a mistake to separate, we both are just avoidant/anxious in relationships.. Or should I just stop. Do I love him or not? What is love? So tired. Maybe I'm so not good that he is really the only good man who can love me.. I have depression, I'm avoidant with abandonment issues, ocd.. He also has depression.. Maybe we love each other but are too broken to be together.. that's what we usually say almost crying when we meet.

    I have never talked about this online, this is my first LONG comment. I'm just trying to understand, at last, what to do. Just tired.

  44. I have had my share of rejection, but mostly from friends who I had been too good to. So maybe there is some truth to the saying " nice guys come last? " Should I now become rude, selfish, demanding? Because these guys seem to attract people to them

  45. i think the harder part of rejection is feeling that it was mutual love for a long time untill you realise you were completely wrong and losing trust in your own judgements….one of the best video on Letting Fear of Rejection Go, must visit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oB8r5ZJ3Q2I

  46. First I'd have to lean to care so I could lean how to get over what I had to teach myself to adopt . A handicap problem for FARRT!💩🖐😁 I DID A PEWPIE

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