Hello my name is Congressman Peter Welch and I went to address an issue of national significance. In our midst are some imposters who think they can get away with bamboozling the American people. Well shame on them. We may be a country filled with people who quote a Bible they have never read to defend a thing no decent God would ever support. And we might be smart enough to understand that drinking the milk of a two thousand-pound animal is not necessary and actually downright dangerous to our health but by god we know the meaning of the word milk and by definition milk is defined as the lactation of a bovine creature that is obtained by first allowing a farmer to anal fist and vaginally violate a female cow after previously obtaining the semen of a male cow by manually stimulating AKA jacking off said cow. Mind you it’s not bestiality if the farmer doesn’t take pleasure in it. Busted! Much like it’s not rape if the football team needs their star player. Also included in the definition of milk is the fact that a male child of the lactating female must be put into a tiny create, abused and soon after killed because of their inability to produce milk. We here in Vermont call these cows veal or god’s little milkless accidents. Another stipulation included in defining something as milk is that it must be claimed to prevent osteoporosis while at the same time leading to higher rates of osteoporosis due to leaching of calcium from bones. That way drinking milk is like pissing away money as you piss away that calcium you thought you were getting. And a characteristic of being defined as milk is the product must be subsidized by the government and force-fed to children leading to increased obesity and cancer epidemics while at the same time resulting in a dairy industry bloated, not from the fact that most of us are allergic to lactose, but rather bloated with money that it pumps back into the government to buy off government officials like me who are willing to look the other way while they abuse murder and rape these lovely animals for no other reason than to make a profit. So until someone is anal fisting an almond while jacking off a soybean while slitting the throat of a baby grain of rice and figures out a way to make these fake milks increase the rate of osteoporosis let’s make sure the public knows if you want the whole some taste of rape and bestiality dairy is the only true milk!