10 Mistakes That INSTANTLY Destroy YOUR Confidence
[0:00:00] Stop it! Guys, if you’re doing these things,
you’re killing your confidence. In today’s video, gents, ten mistakes that
sabotage your self-esteem. Starting this off, you’re always seeking
validation from other people. Now, there’s nothing wrong with asking for advice, there’s
nothing wrong with asking somebody’s opinion about, “Hey. How does this look? What do
you think about what I’m doing here?” But, if you won’t move unless you get validation
from maybe a certain individual or a few people out there. Yeah, you may trust their judgment,
but oftentimes you start to rely on their judgment. And, there’s a big difference
from seeking advice versus relying on advice because you can’t make up your own mind.
Gents, if you can’t make your own decisions, if you don’t understand that the only validation
you need is truly from yourself, then you are in a weak position and it’s going to
sink your self-confidence. Next up, not developing skills that you’re
proud of and can support you. Now, notice I didn’t say follow your passions. I get
why people say that, but here’s the thing. We become passionate about things that we’re
good at. I met a guy the other day and he is passionate
about cleaning. Yes, he’s a janitor, but you know what? He specializes in cleaning
banks, and he is making a killing. And he sells his services for three times what normal
cleaners get. But, guess what? Everyone that works for him
because he’s got his own company, they’ve got a background check. They are very – they
are basically are tight lipped, they’re not going to talk about anything. They don’t
talk about what banks they clean. All of these, guess what? That’s what the banks want and
they’re willing to pay top dollar for this very professional great looking firm that
comes in and gets the job done. And he’s passionate about it because he
really looks at what he’s doing. He is helping – he works in the banking industry. Yeah,
it may not be the sexiest part, but he’s laughing all the way to the bank when he cashes
those checks. The next mistake that zaps your self-esteem,
ignoring your health. So, I have to admit for years, I ignored my back issues and it
ate at my self-confidence. I’d start making up excuses, so I wouldn’t have to go to
the gym so I wouldn’t have to meet the guys at the YM play basketball all because I’m
hiding a secret which is I just simply was in pain.
Now, I have to admit, my back pain issues relatively easy to talk about pretty common
and I’ve been working on it with chiropractors, yoga, stretching, exercise. But, what if your
medical issue is embarrassing to talk about something like erectile dysfunction?
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a free online visit. The next mistake that destroys your self-confidence,
staying in a toxic relationship. If you’re being verbally abused, if you’re being mentally
abused, if you are being physically abused, and, yes, men can be physically abused in
a relationship, you need to get out of it. This is something that so many men they settle,
and I know because I’ve done this before. I remember I was talking with a friend of
mine and I was in a relationship and I said, “You know what? She’s better than I deserve.”
And, my friend, Juliana, I remember she said this to me, she looked at me, she said, “Don’t
ever say that. You are a good guy. You’ve got a lot going for you. You deserve a great
relationship.” But, it’s funny because I knew in high school
I had really bad self-confidence in high school. And, it’s something that so many of us,
we carry this. We may be successful on the outside. I was a marine officer at the time,
yet I just felt that it was hard for me to really build relationships with women. When
she said this it just lifted me up and all of a sudden I realized, you know what? I am
a catch. And I think you understand what I’m trying to say here is that you are worthy
of a great relationship. Now, these next two mistakes I’m going to
bring them together and that is hating yourself and then there’s listening to the voices
in your head. And, both of these I’ve dealt with as well. I have to admit when I was in
high school or even younger, I seriously thought about suicide and I’ve lost my sister to
suicide. And this is something I think that plagues
a lot of people, it’s not cool to talk about, but we can hate ourselves so much. We hate
the situation we’re in, maybe we hate decisions we’ve made. We hate the people that maybe
are around us and it’s all of these hate it builds up and you’ve got to learn just
to let it go and to realize this is a temporary problem.
[0:05:03] Don’t go for that permanent solution that
suicide. Never even think. I mean if you are thinking about that, make the call. There
are many hotlines and I’ll put some stuff down in the description if you’re dealing
with those issues. Now, let’s talk about the voices in your
head because I’ve had those voices that you’re like, oh, like this I am so stupid,
I’m an idiot, why did I do this. Why do you listen to those crazy voices in your head?
Ignore them. We all have them and we all can silence them.
There is two wolves. There is the black and there is the white. The white is life and
is happiness is ambition. It’s all the great things. And that black is death, is just fear
is disgust, everything there. And, the wolf that’s going to be the strongest is the
one that you feed. So, feed those small things, work on that self-esteem, work on your confidence
by saying, you know what? I am. I mean do a mantra. Those things can work.
It’s not the only thing you’ll need to do, you’ll need to build up your skills.
But, guys, you want to continuously work to feed the right wolf so that it grows stronger
and that you can start to pretty much put those voices in your head in a cage and, yeah,
lock them away. Occasionally they’ll break out, but you’ll know how to deal with them.
The next mistake people make when it comes to confidence and self-esteem, they’re always
focused in on themselves. They are at true narcissist and it’s always about me, me,
me, I this, I that. If you serve other people, you can’t help, but get self-esteem and
confidence. Whenever people compliment you, when people
thank you, when people want to put, you know, publicly point out, he showed up, it was snowing
and he shoveled my driveway and he knew I had those back issues, he knew that my husband
was out of town and he showed up. Just really thank you.
It may just be, you know, to the local neighborhood, it may be she brings over you cookies, whatever
it may be. The point is that levels up your confidence it helps. So many of us we wonder
because we’re so focused on ourselves why we don’t feel better, why don’t we don’t
have that self-esteem. When you give to others no matter how small, it’s something that
it just grows that confidence and how you feel and you feel at the world. So, make sure
to serve others. The next mistake that’s killing your confidence,
you are a perfectionist. And, here’s a thing about perfectionist is we notice details that
nobody else is going to notice and we hold up entire projects. We don’t even ship it
because we’re like, oh, no, I spot that one thing that one I isn’t dotted, I get
it. And I am a huge fan of making sure that you cross every T and dot every I, not at
the expense though of things need to happen. So, if you’re falling into that analysis
paralysis, if you are the perfectionist to the point that it is actually stifling your
creativity your growth your ability to get things done and you need to kind of say, you
know what? Sometimes it is worth actually showing something say, “Hey, can you catch
– what do you think of this?” And, they’re like, “Wow. This is really good.”
Okay. You may think it’s only 90%, ship it put it out there because it’s important
to make things happen. Not always to be that perfectionist because if you push it too much,
it can really pull back, all of a sudden we realize we’re slipping on deadlines we’re
not getting things done because we’re just wrap in and around this, you know, we got
our own perfectionist mindset that’s holding us back.
The next mistake that’s killing your self-esteem, you’re a snowflake. What I’m saying here
is don’t be overly sensitive. Don’t be overly sensitive to politics, to religion,
to what’s going on with your family, what people are saying what they’re not saying.
So many people they spot all these problems that never come to fruition. Seriously, it’s
just they imagine all of these issues and it drives them into this negative mindset
and here’s what happens. When you get scared, when you get upset, when
you get frustrated, your mind shrinks. You get myopic, you’re very narrowly focused,
you can’t see things. You got blinder set up and you miss what’s going on around you.
This affects your ability to think, it affects your judgment, it affects your confidence.
So, how do you overcome the obstacle of being overly sensitive? Couple schools of thought
here. First up, develop calluses. This is what I did when I joined the United States
Marine Corps. I fear that if I do something hard in my life early, then the rest of my
life is going to be relatively easy. It seemed to work for me.
And it is something it gives you perspective. So, when you challenge yourself, when in maybe
running a marathon, it may be putting yourself just in a difficult job taking on challenges,
maybe volunteering in something that makes you very uncomfortable. In any case, what
you do is you put yourself out there and you develop that tougher skin that thicker skin
so you can deal with just other things everything just seems gravy seems easy.
Now, there is another school of thought that actually you maybe should set up filters.
And there are people out there that are over – are truly overly sensitive and can’t
deal with everything. So, in that case, I advice setting up systems, barriers, filters.
I know I do this with my email, I simply block spam. I also do this here on YouTube, in the
comments we block out hate comments. We have certain words which we just ban.
[0:09:59] Why do we do that? Because we don’t want
to deal with it. So, find ways to basically ban the infor – ban those people ban that
stuff that’s coming into your life and just protect yourself.
Now, this next mistake I think is one of the worst ones on this list. Let me know if you
agree down in the comments. But that is we don’t forgive ourselves, we hold grudges
against ourselves for mistakes we made a decade, two decades ago. I mean we’ve all got this.
We can’t forgive ourselves. Guys, move on. You are all – we’re all human, we make
mistakes. Some of them, yeah, they’re pretty bad, but you’ve got to find a way to pick
yourself up and keep moving forward. Now, this next mistake I’m guilty of and
that is caring too much about what women think. And, if you’re interested in this, you want
to go check out this video right here because I’ve got seven things that men are obsessed
with that they think is really important, but honestly, women don’t care about.
And, to find out what they are, guys, click on the video right here. I’ll also link
to it down in the description. [0:10:55] End of audio